I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
