hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
