I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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