I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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