I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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