I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
