I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
