it was like eating out sand paper
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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