bring money and cleavage
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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