Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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