Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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