is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.