The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
