there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
