It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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