I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
