mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
