Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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