I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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