i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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