I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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