Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
