I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
