Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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