tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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