I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
