if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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