She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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