that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
