You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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