why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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