I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
