Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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