the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
