I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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