He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He passed out mid-signature
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
