Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize