i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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