My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
