Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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