i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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