I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize