the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
