Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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