No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
