So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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