At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
