i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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