U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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