Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
