dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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