just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
