I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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