Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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