you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
