you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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