she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
