Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
