Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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