awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
