First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
