sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
